Friday, December 24, 2010

Happy Christmas to All

I've been struggling with my Christmas poem this year.  Inspiration seemed far away and what I thought I wanted to write wasn't happening at all.
Today, I downloaded a beta version of a creative writing software that I hope to use for editing my novel.  To try it out, I decided to scratch out a poem...and this is what came out.  So that which would be written, has been written; and that which is not yet ready, has not.

Merry Christmas lovely reader.

 Eclipse - 2010

I missed the Eclipse this Winter Solstice
Rainclouds covered the sky
As is usual in my bleak midwinter.
I couldn’t see the world go dark
I missed the red glow in the sky
I didn’t feel the longest night
Go still and silent and black.
I went to bed like any other night
I burrowed into blankets
And battled with my dreams
And prayed that I might wake another day.
I did awake.
The darkness was still there
My northern latitude at its apogee
To Sol and light and warmth.
But this morning the moon shone large
Bathing the bare limbs in light
Guiding me out of the dark.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Looking back or forward

It's raining outside.  It's also dark.  It is a dark and stormy night. There was even a tornado today!  I mean - wtf - tornado?   in December?  I'm inclined to just put on my jammies and pull the covers up over my head. 

I spent last month writing my novel as a participant in National Novel Writer's Month.  I've now got over 50,000 words committed to this narrative.  By the time I'm done editing and rewriting, there will be at least that many if not more.  I am more than a little excited about it.  For one thing, the act of writing, the commitment to my goal got me out of my slump. Secondly, the subject of my book, my grandparents and their careers in the theatre, created for me, at long last, a sense of family.

Coming from a big, noisy group such as mine, you'd think I'd want to do anything but identify with my family. But the truth of it is, while I love my siblings dearly, I always had a feeling that I was on the outside looking in.  I always thought that no one saw the world, the arts, themselves, in quite the way as I did.  But I've since learned that my grandfather had almost the same thoughts and fears and temptations and losses as I did.  As I do. So like pieces of a puzzle, I am beginning to see who I am and how I came to be.

It's been a big year for me.  Exactly one year ago tomorrow, my mother died.  In May, my daughter finished law school, then she took (and passed) the bar exam, and she is now licensed to practice law.  I'm so very proud of her. She's going to do great things.  I can feel it.

In August, we went to Paris.  It seems just a moment ago and a lifetime ago.  It was the most perfect time. I want to go back so badly.  I keep thinking about it, trying to save money for it, plan for it again.  But it's been tough to save anything.

The rest of the country may be having a recovery, but I will be without a raise for the third year in a row and I also get to pay more for my health and dental insurance this year.  And my maximum out of pocket is going up.  It doesn't really matter when there's nothing in the pocket to come out.

I have to get new glasses, that's number one.  The headaches are getting to me. And then I'll hope that nothing major goes wrong with me, the cat or the car.

Now, looking forward, I hope to get my novel edited and start shopping it around.  I know it's a long shot to be published, but stranger things have happened.  I would like to get a grip on my self care; establish a routine that is balanced, nutritional and achievable.  This is not just for my body, but my heart, my mind, my soul.  I would like to see a resolution to the dispute at work and a possible end to the belt tightening.

For now, I'm just resting and getting ready to spend Christmas with my girl and family.  I hope you all have a wonderful holiday - and here's to a wonderful New Year.

Thanks for reading.