View from the Couch

I don't make New Year's Resolutions, and yet I firmly believe in writing down your intentions. I believe the universe is waiting to meet our needs, but we have to articulate them. Prayers are answered when you can fully describe what you are seeking. Ask and it shall be given. Knock and the door shall be opened. So in that spirit, I give you my intentions - 9 of them - for 2009. In this year we call 2009 I shall turn half a century. 50 years. 50 birthdays. 50 times I have marked my existence, blown out the candles, made a wish. In that spirit, I will make 9 wishes. State 9 intentions. Surrender 9 desires. Jump. And let the net appear. 9 - I want to release my body from the extra weight that has encased it. Let it go. Let go of the fear, the shame, the loss that keeps me hidden away. I am ready to let the butterfly out of the cocoon. And it's going to take time and effort - for me. 8 - I will invest time in my relationships. My friends are dear to me and too of...

Over Christmas I had a really wonderful conversation with my daughter. I had several wonderful conversations, but this one in particular has stayed with me. We were talking about relationships - stupid boys and all that stuff. And I realized that maybe it was time for me to state my intentions again. I used to make those lists...you know...21 things I want in a lover...(thank you Alanis Morrisette) But the last time I did that, I left off one tiny thing...he should be free to conduct a relationship with me, and that really got in the way of us. So this time I thought I'd focus on the three things that Bridgete and I talked about. Companionship, Sexual Compatibly, Intimacy. Here are the thing most important to me in these three areas. Companionship. It all sounds so easy - if you love someone, than logically, you should enjoy spending time with them. And while compromise is always necessary, there should be things you enjoy doing together. The normal tasks that each of ...

It's New Year's Eve. I'm sipping a lovely Willamette Valley Syrah and watching television. On my laptop, I'm chatting with a dear friend and playing a game of Wordscraper , which was Scrabulous , which now is Lexulous . I don't give a damn what it's called. I just want to play a game or two with friends and loved ones. So here's a little recap.... Last New Year's Eve, I was home alone, sipping wine watching Fred and Ginger dance across the screen. I was rather hoping Turner Classics would do that again, but they didn't. In the first few weeks of 2008, several friends lost a parent. It was almost an epidemic . I wanted to go visit my dear friends George and Nancy for the Oscar's, but I broke a tooth and my savings went into that. Nancy was one of the friends who had lost a parent, her father. I really wanted to be with her. She was so exhausted from the whole experience. But I wasn't alone for Oscar. I chatted with my daughter, w...

Merry Christmas everyone - and a Happy New Year filled with HOPE for CHANGE. Mary's Lament Why have you brought me to this place? Have I not followed your every step? Opened every door? Trusted every vision? Stepped into the dark at every command? Why am I found worthy of this task? Why have you chosen me To bring light to the dark? Hope to the hopeless? Joy to the sorrowful? Oh Lord, I wait for your guidance. I wait for the step to be illumined. The door to open. The vision to appear. I wait and step into the dark Praying for the light to follow. Christmas 2008 KC McAuley-Watt

I have a great pair of boots. They are thigh-high black leather with 4-inch stiletto heels. I love to wear them. They make me feel strong and powerful and sexy and just a little dangerous. But I don't wear them to work very often. They attract too much attention and it's a distraction from the normally invisible worker I tend to be. But yesterday, I needed to feel in control. So I wore my boots. As predicted, I got attention. Mostly good, women who wonder if they are comfortable. (They are. And I get to sit most of the day.) Men who notice and aren't sure what to say. I get everything from "We have to talk" to "You are too sexy for this place". Today, I have no boots. Instead I have my favorite clogs that are falling apart and I'm going to have to replace them. Today I found out that the man who broke my heart 3 years ago is getting remarried...and it's not to me. Today I need my boots. Today I need to be in control. Today I ...

I've been subjecting myself to a little deprivation of late. Reading deprivation. It's part of my Artist's Way group - and I forgot how hard this was. Obviously, one cannot completely stop reading. I'm in the middle of 2 major work projects that require me to write and edit (which means READ) training materials. And work is all about projects these days. But I find myself leafing through catalogs, magazines, advertising of all kinds searching for ideas for Christmas. For recipes, gifts, decorations. Then I suddenly realize...I'M READING!...and I put it down and try to focus inward; see what my heart says about all the busy-ness I'm caught up in. I'm learning how often I silence my heart with busy-ness. I'm realizing that I haven't listened to it in quite a while. And why is that? Do I feel guilty for not taking care of things that I know I should be taking care of? Do I feel ashamed that I have ignored the longings of my hear...

My daughter Bridgete had this list on her blog. The object was to copy the list, bold the items you have done and post it for everyone to read but I am going to follow her example. I have separated into three groups-- have done, not yet and no thank you (if I can help it). Have Done 1. Started your own blog (2 in fact...the other with Bridgete detailing the move from Portland to Boston) 2. Slept under the stars 3. Played in a band (Wonderbroads Rule!) 4. Visited Hawaii (and would love to go back) 5. Watched a meteor shower 6. Given more than you can afford to charity 7. Been to Disneyland 10. Sang a solo (many, many times) 14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (I still suck at art!) 16. Had food poisoning 21. Had a pillow fight 23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (but not for many years) 24. Built a snow fort 26. Gone skinny dipping 30. Watched a sunrise or sunset (both) 33. Seen Niagara Falls in person 34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (I’ve been to Germany, but st...