View from the Couch

And so I find an entire month has passed since my last post.  It has been a very busy month with many frustrations and many reasons to rejoice.  So let us start with what has improved. I have had opportunity to talk to the girls downstairs and they have gotten much better about the noise.  We have detente. My money is what it is.  I have no real way of increasing my cash flow and so I simply have to become more selective about where I choose to spend it.  And if that means that I don't go out with my friends as often or have to skip the wine and settle for water, then that's what it means.  Long term, I want to see my daughter, I want to travel more, and I want to enjoy my life more.  So a little sacrifice now for greater fun later is okay with me. I'm not happy when I have to choose between NEEDS, but choosing between WANTS is okay. My health is becoming a greater concern to me, not just because I am feeling unattractive but because I think it i...

Fair warning, this is gonna be a long post about how I'm feeling the blues these days.  Feeling it bad.  I need to get this stuff off my chest, out of my head, out of my heart and see if I can't shift the energy around me.  So if you aren't in a place to listen to me bitch and whine and moan about poor, poor me, then go away.  I know I'm having a pity party - but if I can't party here - I'll just go home and have it there, all by myself. Lately I'm feeling like nothing in my life is the way I would have it - and I don't know how or why it is and I have to find a way to either change it or accept it.  Probably a little bit of both.  I know the signs - my soul is uneasy, my eyes don't want to open in the morning, and the last place I want to be is with other people.  Never a good sign for a chronic depressive. 1) My job is really annoying me lately.  Everyone is feeling the pain of no wage increases for 3 years and yet everything from soup to nu...

Almost immediately after I posted my last blog, my car broke down again.  I stepped on the clutch pedal and "SNAP", just like the last time.  Only this time, the pedal did not come back up.  It was stuck to the floor and I was unable to shift at all.  Fortunately, it happened right outside my apartment and the repair shop is at the gas station across the street.  So I pushed it in and called them the next day to tell them what happened. They called me a little later to tell me that this time was the clutch cable and not anything that they fixed in January.  So it wasn't covered by warranty and I would now have to pay another 130.00. I set the thought aside because I was leaving for a weekend trip with friends to attend the wedding of two other friends.  Lori and BC have been together for a couple of years.  And they are so perfect together.  I knew Lori only briefly before she started dating BC, so I had nothing to compare it too.  But ...

Sunday was the end of Lent and the beginning of Holy Week.  I had a lovely white Bordeaux last night with some extra sharp Cheddar cheese and it was quite lovely.  I made it through the 40 days and here I am. Am I different?  Maybe.  I know that I am feeling the need to comment on certain things...things I usually close my mouth about and trust that people who know better than I do will do the right thing. My country is in a mess.  Our government is divisive and would rather engage in pointing fingers at the other side than getting serious and really trying to fix things. People are so overwhelmed with information that they can't be sure who is telling the truth or what will help.  Every paycheck I have less and less discretionary money as the basics in my world are costing more and more. I work for a quasi government agency, so the general public thinks I'm overpaid and have better benefits than they do.  I may have better benefits, I will give them...

I can't believe my 40 days are nearly over.  My wine merchant is so glad to know I'll be back soon.  Actually, not too soon.  I have 6 beautiful wines that she has picked out for me just waiting to be sipped and savored.  It's been a very interesting week.  After my family weekend, there has been a lot of family activity.  It all started because my oldest brother Jim wanted one of us girls to do a mtDNA test.  He and my sister Nancy have some notion that there is a Native American Indian somewhere in the family blood line.  They are a bit disappointed that I am only finding English and German ancestry.  So I have sent for a kit and will be testing.  I don't expect to find anything terribly surprising - but if there is one thing I've learned with my family history work it's that there are plenty of surprises. Last week on NBC's WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?, Ashley Judd found out that she was related to one of the original Mayflower Pilgrim...

I know I’ve missed a few days – okay more than a few.   But I have a perfectly good reason.   My sisters were in town!   My sisters Judie and Nancy are 15 and 13 years older than I am, respectively.   Judie and I developed our relationship as adults because she had moved out to college, marriage, real life, by the time I was a person with thoughts and vocabulary.   Nancy was a surrogate mother to me.   I went on her dates with her and when she got married, I spent most of my school vacations and weekends with her and her family.   Her daughter Nancy is only 5 years younger than I am.   That’s a smaller gap than there is between myself and any of my siblings. Anyway – Nancy drove up from Southern Oregon with her daughter Nikki and our brother’s daughter Maggie.   Judie drove in from McMinnville and we spent Thursday night and all of Friday together – eating, talking, laughing – lots of laughing.   My niece Nikki has a great wit and a w...

Yesterday was another fasting day for me.  This was a tougher one because I was more physically active yesterday than I am on the average work day.  First of all, when I was ready to go to work, the sun was up and the sky was light and it wasn't raining.  So for the first time in a long time, I walked the mile from my apartment to my workplace.  That felt great.  I miss my walks in the winter.  It's not that I'm a fair weather walker - but I have to cross Highway 99 on my walk to work.  And even with reflective wear, I've nearly been hit in the dark winter mornings.  So I have to settle for a bus ride.  I'm thrilled to know that spring may at last be pushing in and I can start walking again. I was teaching yesterday - one of my favorite things at my job.  I wasn't hired to do this, but I developed this curriculum for the agency because bus drivers and mechanics and rail operators can't advance in the agency without some basic computer s...