Thursday, April 30, 2009

Is it too much too ask???

One of my favorite songs is Lucinda Williams' Passionate Kisses. In it she asks, "Is it too much to ask? I want a comfortable bed that won't hurt my back? Food to fill me up and warm clothes and all that stuff. Shouldn't I have this?...."

Lately I'm in a "Shouldn't I have??" place. All my socks have holes. All my underwear has no more elastic and my bras don't fit. My towels don't adsorb anymore. My car needs a detail wash, not just a drive-thru. I find myself wondering why I don't have it. Why am I settling for less than I deserve? Why am I settling for less than I settled for? Is it just too much to ask?

I know I'm really lucky. I have a good job and my benefits are much better than many people. I have wonderful friends who love me and support me. I have a daughter who is smarter, prettier, more capable, more loved and respected than I could ever have wished for. And she loves me, too. I can and do take care of myself. I'm emotionally, financially and physically independent. I love my home. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my cat, even when he continues to wake me up at 4:30 in the morning. I love my car and my walks to work. I love my wine and my whiskey and my computer. I love my blog and my facebook and my email and my Iphone. I love sun and flowers and coffee and good hand lotion.

But is it too much to ask? Shouldn't I have this...shouldn't I have all of this and new undies and fluffy towels and a clean car and passionate kisses.