Thursday, July 29, 2010

Existential Crisis

I couldn't think of a better title.  I'm not really having an existential crisis, not questioning my place in the great scheme of things; but I am having some sort of of "what now?" moment.  At this very moment, my daughter Bridgete is enduring the last day of the Massachusetts State Bar exam.   All my energy is directed at her and holding her in my thoughts.  It's the least I can do.  It's the only thing I can do from here.  And it's probably best that I am here and not anywhere near her.  I'd be one of those  awful hovering parents - and I don't hover well. 

But I love well.  As much as it breaks my heart to be so far from her, I celebrate the fact that she has become this amazing person.  So strong and capable.  Wise and funny.  Kind and honest.  With such great friends, people I would be proud to call my friends.  And I just sit back and love her. 

There is great joy in being a parent at these moments.  And there is great sadness as well.  I can't fix her boo-boos with a kiss and a Popples band-aid.  I can't give her pudding cups and strawberry milkshakes and get her to laugh again.  Well, sometimes I can.  And I have a huge fear of letting her down, because she is beyond me now.  Smarter and braver and surer of herself.  And I just sit back and love her. 

And I love her well.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Update

Sorry I've been so long in writing.  The block is strong in this one.  But I did want to update everyone. 
Feeling much better.  Still not 100% back to strong, but I have to pat myself on the back for seeing things coming and knowing there was a cause and fighting the demons away.  Seeing Dr. Molly tomorrow for an update on the Vitamin D and thyroid issues.
I'm getting very excited about Paris.  VERY EXCITED.  I just have to get my plane ticket to and from Boston!  I've been waiting for prices to drop, but so far, no luck.  I don't have enough miles with Alaska to get a half price ticket just yet.   So it's down to Continental which would not be a direct flight but reasonably priced or my usual direct flights on Alaska.  Have to decide by next week - or at the very latest - the first of August.
I promise to update you later.  REALLY!  I do!!