Skip to main content

The Eyes Have It....

The eyes are the window to the soul...
Love looks not with the eyes...
Close up his eyes and draw the curtain close...

And I could go on and on. There is an entire page of entries for Eyes in my tattered and torn Barlett's Familiar Quotations. And it is very tattered and torn and loved. Over 30 years old, the only reference book more abused is my Roget's Thesaurus, which I cannot find a decent replacement for. They just don't make reference books like they used to.

But I digress.

I haven't written for a month because I have been robbed of the normal use of my eyes. I scratched my corneas and they got infected. Then, after many visits to the doctor and many trial and error combinations of eyedrops and compresses and some gooey stuff I use at night, I have gradually regained my vision.

A bit of backstory here. I am terribly nearsighted. I've worn glasses or contact lenses since the age of 6. If I am somewhere unfamiliar, I can't go to the bathroom at night without my glasses. I am used to not seeing clearly without corrective lenses. I am not used to not seeing clearly when I have my glasses on. I am used to seeing the world differently. I am not used to seeing it out of focus. It has been agony for me. Not only has the pain been physical, but the frustration of being unable to read or write, unable to work...because I spend 8 hours a day in front of a computer...unable to be online with my daughter and my friends, and unable to drive comfortably, to walk in the sunshine (the light was painful) to do even the simplest of tasks without careful planning.

I have spent much of this time remembering moments of my life where eyes - my own or others - have been the to speak. When my daughter first heard my voice and her eyes searched around for a shape to focus on as the source of this sound so familiar to her. When I got my first glasses and I stepped out of the optometrist's office into a whole new world. When I got contact lenses and could now audition for plays and musicals (just try being an actor when you can't see the other actor's faces and react to their actions) When I first looked into a lover's eyes and knew that a kiss was imminent. When I first saw...Niagara Falls, the Rockie Mountains, Hawaii, a sunrise, a sunset, a rose, a violet, a dead cat, my father lying in a hospital bed, unconscious and dying. The moments never end. I can close my eyes and summon up any of these moments. And I am not ready to stop having them. I still need to see Paris, Rome, London, Shakespeare's resting place, the Mona Lisa, the David, the Sistine Chapel. There is so much more to see.

I am on the mend. My vision changes daily. So I may have one day where everything is nearly normal. Then the next where the blurriness and the dryness return. I am a patient person, with everyone but myself. And this has tried my patience to the very limit. I value my independence. I don't ask for help easily. I am frustrated with the process of aches and pains and limitations every day. I worry about becoming a burden to my daughter and my loved ones. And the financial aspects of even a minor illness can alter my plans unexpectedly. Already this year, I've had to cancel a trip because of a broken tooth. I will be miserable if this latest frustration means I have to cancel or change plans for weekend and day trips I am planning.

There are too many faces I have yet to memorize. Too many things to see. My eyes - still have the top vote with me.


Bridgete said…
It really is just like when I had that terrible case of pink eye followed by a mild allergic reaction to the antibiotics which also left my vision blurry for weeks. And the fact that I don't need glasses or anything didn't help matters much.

I'm sending healing thoughts. Love you.

Popular posts from this blog

A Good Man

Roger M Watt - April 8, 1914 - March 27, 1981

My father was a good man.  He was born in Oklahoma 98 years ago today.  He grew up during the First World War and the economic boom of the 20s.  When the bust happened, he moved to Los Angeles with his family.  In 1934, he met my mother at a Halloween Party.  He was 20, she was 15, and he was in love for life.  The raven haired, dark eyed beauty won his heart and his devotion. When my mother became bedridden with tuberculosis, he visited her every day, bringing her books from the library and news of the world.  They married on Father's Day in 1939. 
During the final years of the Second World War, my father was drafted into military service and left my mother with her parents - pregnant with their third child and my brother Jim and sister Judie.  He contracted malaria in the Philippines and spent most of his service in a hospital in Hawaii. 
On March 27, 1946 my parents and their three children moved to Grants Pass, Oregon.  This is w…

Movie Madness - MELANCHOLIA

From the opening moments of Lars VonTrier's latest film MELANCHOLIA (2011), I was hooked.  The exquisite extreme slow motion movement is beautifully orchestrated by Wagner's Prelude to Tristan and Isolde.  We see a bride moving as roots tear at her feet, a mother clutching a child, a horse laying down all as two planets come hurtling toward one another to the inevitable end - the consumption of one planet by another.  It's only later that we learn the larger planet is Melancholia and it is headed toward Earth; because after this beautiful prologue we are thrust into the marriage of Justine (Kirsten Dunst) and Michael (Alexander Skarsgard)*.  Justine and Michael are late for the very elaborate reception being hosted by Justine's sister Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg) and her husband John (Kiefer Sutherland).  As the evening rolls on, it's clear that Claire is hanging on by the thinnest of threads and Claire and John are frustrated by her reluctance to put on a good sh…

I may have to move to Massachusetts

Elizabeth Warren

So remember how I was ranting about how everyone needs to do their part or this country isn't going to be better.  Elizabeth Warren, who was bashed in her Senate hearings and is now running to oust Scott Brown from his seat in Massachusetts, summed it up beautifully for me. 

My favorite part is "But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of that and pay forward for the next kid who comes along."  That's what I think this country has lost sight of.  It's a social contract that we agree to in how things will be done here.  The past few decades have been full of finger pointing and blame and not a lot of agreement.

I just don't think that things will get better until we all agree to - well - as I like to say...put on the big girl pants and get to work.  I may not like EVERY decision, but if I can see that your position is for the greater good of the country, I can agree to work for it.  The ME generation has to grow up now and…