View from the Couch

It's New Year's Eve. I'm sipping a lovely Willamette Valley Syrah and watching television. On my laptop, I'm chatting with a dear friend and playing a game of Wordscraper , which was Scrabulous , which now is Lexulous . I don't give a damn what it's called. I just want to play a game or two with friends and loved ones. So here's a little recap.... Last New Year's Eve, I was home alone, sipping wine watching Fred and Ginger dance across the screen. I was rather hoping Turner Classics would do that again, but they didn't. In the first few weeks of 2008, several friends lost a parent. It was almost an epidemic . I wanted to go visit my dear friends George and Nancy for the Oscar's, but I broke a tooth and my savings went into that. Nancy was one of the friends who had lost a parent, her father. I really wanted to be with her. She was so exhausted from the whole experience. But I wasn't alone for Oscar. I chatted with my daughter, w...

Merry Christmas everyone - and a Happy New Year filled with HOPE for CHANGE. Mary's Lament Why have you brought me to this place? Have I not followed your every step? Opened every door? Trusted every vision? Stepped into the dark at every command? Why am I found worthy of this task? Why have you chosen me To bring light to the dark? Hope to the hopeless? Joy to the sorrowful? Oh Lord, I wait for your guidance. I wait for the step to be illumined. The door to open. The vision to appear. I wait and step into the dark Praying for the light to follow. Christmas 2008 KC McAuley-Watt

I have a great pair of boots. They are thigh-high black leather with 4-inch stiletto heels. I love to wear them. They make me feel strong and powerful and sexy and just a little dangerous. But I don't wear them to work very often. They attract too much attention and it's a distraction from the normally invisible worker I tend to be. But yesterday, I needed to feel in control. So I wore my boots. As predicted, I got attention. Mostly good, women who wonder if they are comfortable. (They are. And I get to sit most of the day.) Men who notice and aren't sure what to say. I get everything from "We have to talk" to "You are too sexy for this place". Today, I have no boots. Instead I have my favorite clogs that are falling apart and I'm going to have to replace them. Today I found out that the man who broke my heart 3 years ago is getting remarried...and it's not to me. Today I need my boots. Today I need to be in control. Today I ...

I've been subjecting myself to a little deprivation of late. Reading deprivation. It's part of my Artist's Way group - and I forgot how hard this was. Obviously, one cannot completely stop reading. I'm in the middle of 2 major work projects that require me to write and edit (which means READ) training materials. And work is all about projects these days. But I find myself leafing through catalogs, magazines, advertising of all kinds searching for ideas for Christmas. For recipes, gifts, decorations. Then I suddenly realize...I'M READING!...and I put it down and try to focus inward; see what my heart says about all the busy-ness I'm caught up in. I'm learning how often I silence my heart with busy-ness. I'm realizing that I haven't listened to it in quite a while. And why is that? Do I feel guilty for not taking care of things that I know I should be taking care of? Do I feel ashamed that I have ignored the longings of my hear...