View from the Couch

I missed the process last week. It was strange week for me. On Tuesday, one of my coworkers suddenly died. He was a big guy, only a year younger than me, and while he wasn’t in the greatest shape, I don’t think anyone expected him to die. He didn’t show up for work and didn’t answer any calls or pages. That was unusual for this guy. He was always right on it – even if your call was in the middle of the night. So when lunchtime came and went and still nothing, his supervisor went to his home and found him dead in his living room. Looked like he was sleeping. Probably a heart attack. Well, that set the tone for the rest of the week. Everyone at work was either freaked out about Eric or worried about the rest of us who live alone. There are about 5 of us who don’t have a significant other and in my case, don’t see other people on a daily basis except for people at work. If something were to happen to me, it might take a while for anyone to notice. That is on...

It's Thursday again. Wow the week is just flying by. I like it when I'm so busy that my work week sails past. But then the weekend is just so short. Just had a great class. Access. I like teaching Access - because more than any other class I teach, people really begin to see the power that software can have and they start to get creative in their requirements. Granted, there is always someone who dreams a little bigger than their abilities. But it's nice to get people excited about what they can do. Makes me wish I had more time to work on my own databases that I keep meaning to do. :) So the flirty guy isn't flirting anymore. Guess either I'm not as hot as I imagine or he's found someone else who turns his head a bit more. Trying not to let it get to me. But I am reaching a place in my life where I'm either going to have to get serious about finding someone who can put up with me...or settle for the idea that I'm going to be alone. Maybe da...

True Randomness...I'm teaching in 20 minutes. Then I'll get a break for lunch. Back to work. Break. Yoga. And then home. This morning I'm thinking about this guy that has been flirting with me. He's young and cute and makes me feel all sexy and stuff. But...he's really just good for an afternoon. You know what I mean? Not that there's anything wrong with a nice afternoon...or a nice weekend for that matter. But if what I really want is a nice partner, do I enjoy the occasional weekend while I'm waiting for him to show up? Guess there is still a part of me that is a good Catholic girl and wants to keep certain things only for very special people. Remember the downstairs neighbor - we'll just call her "CU" for short. Well, the other night, some guy pulls up in front of the complex, music blasting for blocks. Hops out and heads right toward her place. I knew she had a date coming over because she had arrived home shortly before, slamm...

I cannot take credit for the following. It was part of an email I received from my friend Kate Hawkes 5 years ago. I still think there is much to think about here. Real Independence. Real Freedom. Not just flag waving and fireworks. I wish you all peace and REAL freedom. - kc So the madness of the rush to celebrate is over. While it feels entirely appropriate for children to express their excitement with noise and bright lights and a frantic There it is! and Look! and Where is the next bright bang? I find that I am less in sync with that and more wanting to reassure the dog, admire the cat's ability to ignore it all (mind you she doesn't want to go outside) and wait until it is quiet again. I don't think that I am getting old and stodgy. I just realize, perhaps, that the colored lights, huge noises and the bigger, brighter more breathtakingly violent expressions of 'independence miss the real quality of that gift. Surprisingly, real independence is in t...

It's hot. I don't say that very often. See I have a sluggish thyroid and I'm usually cold. So if I'm sitting here at 9:30 at night with a fan blowing and I'm still sweating...it's hot. I feel bad that it's hot because my daughter has been complaining about the lack of sunshine in Boston. Not that I can do anything about it - but still. I feel bad. I started sending cards to my mother this week. She's in a foster home now and they are trying to get her to start eating and taking her meds and doing her physical therapy. But I think she's truly lost the will to live now. This is really hard for me. Whatever else has passed between us, whatever narcissistic parenting she practiced, she's still my mother. And she's dying. I can't go visit her. I don't have the money or the time. So I hope she'll still be there in the fall and I hope to be able to take a weekend and visit her. In the meantime, I'll send her a card or...