Skip to main content

Random Thought Process - 7/16/09

It's Thursday again. Wow the week is just flying by. I like it when I'm so busy that my work week sails past. But then the weekend is just so short.

Just had a great class. Access. I like teaching Access - because more than any other class I teach, people really begin to see the power that software can have and they start to get creative in their requirements. Granted, there is always someone who dreams a little bigger than their abilities. But it's nice to get people excited about what they can do. Makes me wish I had more time to work on my own databases that I keep meaning to do. :)

So the flirty guy isn't flirting anymore. Guess either I'm not as hot as I imagine or he's found someone else who turns his head a bit more. Trying not to let it get to me. But I am reaching a place in my life where I'm either going to have to get serious about finding someone who can put up with me...or settle for the idea that I'm going to be alone. Maybe date occasionally. Maybe find someone who can spend a weekend or a week with me. But finding someone to build a future with - nope...starting to think that's just not going to happen.

Mostly I'm okay with that. But there is that little nagging voice at the back of my head that wonders why it's so hard to find someone. I'm pretty damn fabulous! So why doesn't someone see that? Have I built my walls so high and thick that no one wants to even try and scale them? I know...fairy tale metaphor. But there is something to those tales. Women do have to protect themselves. And men do have to risk something to win us. I want to believe I'm worth the effort. My therapist always told me to expect more from people, not less. I'm going to hold on to that. Even as I lie in bed with tears on the pillow wondering when I can feel loving arms around me and know that I'll always have that.

Tonight I get to see Storm Large (yes Storm Large from Rock Star:Supernova AND from Portland) Her show Crazy Enough has been sold out for weeks at Portland Center Stage. I've been trying to get in since May! Going with a group of friends. Meeting for dinner and then on to the theater. I've been getting out more lately. That's good for me too. Ballet, theater, just being with creative minds, not being alone so much. I think too much.

Anyway, I hope my headache is gone by then. Woke up with a real killer today. No real reason why. But I know I'm ready to be done with it. Time to wind up. Lunchtime is over and I have to get back to my post.

Check out other RTPT with Jenn, Bridgete, and Ginger

Thanks for reading.

Comments

Bridgete said…
You ARE fabulous. And I love you.
July 16, 2009 at 4:56 PM
disabled account said…
we're both fabulous! don't worry about flirty guy...the reason he stopped might have nothing to do with you. he may be super stressed or pre-occupied. give him a few days and if that's it, he'll find you when he's back to normal. that's what my flirty guy does. i know what you mean though...

hoe your head feels better xoxo
July 17, 2009 at 10:24 PM
CSD Faux Finishing said…
Yes, I agree with Bridgete, you are fabulous!

Never heard of Storm Large but sounds like you are excited! Hope it was a blast :-)
July 18, 2009 at 8:04 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Grapes of ???

I watched the John Ford film of Grapes of Wrath last night. I started out just enjoying Henry Fonda's wonderful performance - so easy and real. But I ended up wondering if our nation really learned anything from the Great Depression. What is the great crime in Grapes of Wrath? It's a crime to be poor. It's a crime to need, to ask, to worry. And it would seem that it is still a crime to be poor. We entered the depression of the 1930s a nation of haves and have nots. Those who had - those in power - scrambled to hang on to their wealth while the have nots scrambled to gather the scraps. And as I look around me today, as I listen to the news, I hear those same echos of those who have grasping for their power while the have nots silently fight to live and make it to the next day. Last night I woke up thinking about the recent discussion of the increase in the minimum wage and what it would mean to businesses and that it would actually cause jobs to be lost. It sounded ...
5 comments
Read more

Random Thoughts about my Mother

It's been a very hectic month for me.  I got very sick right after Thanksgiving and was barely able to hold my head up, let alone sit at a computer for long.  Got back to work last week and was good for the work day, but still pretty tired when I got home.  At long last this week, I started to feel like myself.  Then yesterday afternoon, my sister called me.  Our mother has died.  Not unexpected, but still a bit of a blow.  She lived nearly 92 years, her birthday is January 16th.  So in the interest of remembering my mother and returning to regular blogging, I present Random Thoughts about My Mother. Mildred Irene Wallock Watt.  My mother was born in January 1918...just before the end of WWI.  Los Angeles was a different place then, a collection of small towns, some manufacturing, some agriculture, some business.  Her father moved his family there when the film industry was locating there because the sunshine and variety of landsc...
5 comments
Read more

It just sucks...

You want to know what the worst part about moderate to severe depression? (using the clinical diagnosis here) It's knowing when those waves hit you that there is something or someone out there that you let get to you. In my case, it's usually a combination of things. I've got multiple projects coming to deadline at work - stress. I'm not sleeping very well because of allergies. I'm not eating like I should be. I'm getting my exercise - walking, yoga - which is a positive because that's usually the first thing to go. And so I'm vulnerable to those triggers and I know it. I avoid mr. ring on his finger 'cause that will just send me over the edge. But I can't keep him from coming onto my floor and sitting down at the cubicle next to me and talking to someone else. So I put on the headphones and hit play on Itunes and what do I get....love songs. Crap. And even he wouldn't get to me if the really big trigger hadn't been flipped jus...
6 comments
Read more