Thursday, July 16, 2009

Random Thought Process - 7/16/09

It's Thursday again. Wow the week is just flying by. I like it when I'm so busy that my work week sails past. But then the weekend is just so short.

Just had a great class. Access. I like teaching Access - because more than any other class I teach, people really begin to see the power that software can have and they start to get creative in their requirements. Granted, there is always someone who dreams a little bigger than their abilities. But it's nice to get people excited about what they can do. Makes me wish I had more time to work on my own databases that I keep meaning to do. :)

So the flirty guy isn't flirting anymore. Guess either I'm not as hot as I imagine or he's found someone else who turns his head a bit more. Trying not to let it get to me. But I am reaching a place in my life where I'm either going to have to get serious about finding someone who can put up with me...or settle for the idea that I'm going to be alone. Maybe date occasionally. Maybe find someone who can spend a weekend or a week with me. But finding someone to build a future with - nope...starting to think that's just not going to happen.

Mostly I'm okay with that. But there is that little nagging voice at the back of my head that wonders why it's so hard to find someone. I'm pretty damn fabulous! So why doesn't someone see that? Have I built my walls so high and thick that no one wants to even try and scale them? I know...fairy tale metaphor. But there is something to those tales. Women do have to protect themselves. And men do have to risk something to win us. I want to believe I'm worth the effort. My therapist always told me to expect more from people, not less. I'm going to hold on to that. Even as I lie in bed with tears on the pillow wondering when I can feel loving arms around me and know that I'll always have that.

Tonight I get to see Storm Large (yes Storm Large from Rock Star:Supernova AND from Portland) Her show Crazy Enough has been sold out for weeks at Portland Center Stage. I've been trying to get in since May! Going with a group of friends. Meeting for dinner and then on to the theater. I've been getting out more lately. That's good for me too. Ballet, theater, just being with creative minds, not being alone so much. I think too much.

Anyway, I hope my headache is gone by then. Woke up with a real killer today. No real reason why. But I know I'm ready to be done with it. Time to wind up. Lunchtime is over and I have to get back to my post.

Check out other RTPT with Jenn, Bridgete, and Ginger

Thanks for reading.

3 comments:

Bridgete said...

You ARE fabulous. And I love you.

ginger said...

we're both fabulous! don't worry about flirty guy...the reason he stopped might have nothing to do with you. he may be super stressed or pre-occupied. give him a few days and if that's it, he'll find you when he's back to normal. that's what my flirty guy does. i know what you mean though...

hoe your head feels better xoxo

Jenn said...

Yes, I agree with Bridgete, you are fabulous!

Never heard of Storm Large but sounds like you are excited! Hope it was a blast :-)