Friday, August 7, 2009

Broken Thought Process - Aug 7, 2009

I'm freakin' tired. I'm the kind of tired that means I'll get all weepy and emotional - the kind that means my skin is like rice paper and if you touch me I'll just dissolve into dust. The kind that means I saw Mr. ring on his finger yesterday for like 30 seconds and I had to stand in the friggin' stairwell and catch my breath and tell myself not to cry. Of course that also means that he finds a dozen reasons to be on MY floor during the day and I have to see (and hear) him at least a dozen more times that day. So last night was a cry myself to sleep night.

I hate it that he gets to me. He's such a dick - really...major dickhead...but I so want to believe that underneath all that dickishness, he really did love me once. Oh shit. Here I go crying again. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. therapist told me that my writing is the best way for me to work through this stuff. And I know I'm only feeling this way because I've been working so hard and not sleeping and not eating and not taking care of me. So naturally - I'm falling apart. Time to recharge the batteries, stop dipping into the empty well and let it fill back up. Say no to all those energy sucking beings who want more from me...and Give To Myself.

There...deep breath, blow your nose, you know how to do this and you'll be fine.

The weather has finally cooled off...and when I say cool...I mean like 40 degrees cooler than last week. Sheesh...this weather stuff is just wacky. I'm going to buy an air conditioner in Sept. when they go on sale. I can't go through another month like this past one.

This weekend is The Bite, an annual food and drink fest on our waterfront. I'm going to go and browse the wine pavillion with 38 wineries pouring their best stuff. Some of my favorites will be there, Zerba, Trinity, Hillcrest and Girardet; and I usually discover some new gem. Last year was Girardet's Baco Noir which made me quite literally want to lick my glass. I didn't want to miss a drop of it. So good. If they have anything that yummy again, it will be my celebratory 50th birthday wine.

It's only 7 more sleeps until my girl is home! I have to clean up the guest room this weekend, but I can't wait to see her. I can't quite believe that it's been two years since that fabulous road trip. (If you haven't read all about it, here's the blog Expotition to Boston) Okay...more tears. Definitely time to stop.

Check out the rest of the BTP crew...Bree, Ginger, Kate, my lovely Bridgete, and the fabulous Ms. Jenn


Bridgete said...

I might be weeping all over you at the airport. God this summer has been awful. It had its highlights, but not enough. Seeing you is going to bring it all out, I can feel it.

I'm so pissed I'm missing the Bite! It's a week early...I was just in time last year!! =(

I'm so glad you're buying an AC unit when they go on sale. I was worried about you and poor Sol.

Jenn said...

Ooh its restaurant week here in Boston this week, a great deal well worth checking out.

With that said...a nice glass of wine to calm you then please girl you must eat something healthy and get a long night's sleep (now that you hopefully can due to the lower temps!). You're no good for anyone else if you don't first take care of yourself right? Plus it is so much easier to deal with emotional mini drama moments like than when your physical self is in tip top shape :-) hugs!

Bert said...

I don't know what to say except that you have my love.