Thursday, April 29, 2010

Words, words, words

In Act Two of My Fair Lady, Eliza Doolittle declares to Freddy Einsford-Hill that she's "so sick of words.  I get words all day through, first from him, now from you."  She want Freddy to take action - and "Show Me."  While I understand the sentiment of don't talk, show, I've never been sick of words.  I love words.  Words make me wet - to put it bluntly.  I love to read them, hear them, sing them, write them, play with them, invent them.  Words, words, words....fabulous words.

So why is it that when I commit myself to sitting down and writing something specific - using my words to unleash my soul - that I suddenly can't find them. Or they seem foolish and empty.  Or the universe steps in and, you don't get to be a writer.

I've called myself a writer for years.  I've written poems that I think are bloody fantastic.  I've written short stories and treatments and short plays and outlines and ideas and blog posts until I'm sure there can't be anything left for me to say - nothing left to express.  Yet there is this pull within me that says I still have more to do.  More to say.  My story isn't amazing or inspiring or tragic or comic.  Except sometimes when it is. So why can't it find a form?  A shape?  An expression?

All this frustration is because I started out April so committed, so pumped up and focused and ready to get something accomplished.  Then, hurt knee, brother falls out of a tree and I spend every free hour at the hospital...exhaustion.  Depression is right there ready to climb into my mind and negate every bit of progress I have made.  Why am I so unwilling to cut myself some slack, let myself off the hook, celebrate what I have done and how far I have come?

I am passionate about poetry, libidinous about lingua, absurdly ape-shit for assonance and alliteration, and wild about words. I am a writer.  


Jenn said...

You ARE a writer! Writing anything makes it so, to read all that you've already done as a writer is inspiring and you will get there, sometimes the structure of a "contest" is just not the right forum to get it done in. But you have it started and it will be finished and then I will go and see it on Broadway someday and say to whoever happens to be sitting next to me "Hey, I know the writer, we have shared a meal and countless sentences with each other, isn't she amazing?" And they will say "Yes!"

All in due time my friend :-)

PS I hope that your knee and your brother are healing nicely. Stay safe out there!

Bert said...

I am NOT a writer. If I knew how to say what I want to say to you KC , it would be exactly what your friend Jenn said . I hope she doesn't mind if I say " ditto ". You ARE a writer and I love you .

Bridgete said...

I thought I commented...but apparently, I did not.

I'd like to second what Jenn said, and add that if you ever want to write a musical, you can be lyricist and I can be composer...or, hell, we can work together on composition...the point is that I've finally accepted that I'm a great FACTUAL writer, not a great creative writer. Which makes law the perfect career choice, but I still don't get to write songs. <3