I've had a hard time composing my thoughts about this movie, separating what it is as a movie from what it did to me emotionally. I give up.
I can appreciate the love and compassion that Sean Penn had for Alexander Supertramp. It's evident in the care he took in making this film. The scenery is beautiful. The supporting cast of characters that Alex meets along the way are note perfect. I can appreciate the desire Christopher (Alex's real name) had to escape the world, figure the meaning of life, get away from all the artifice and pretense and the complication of emotional relationships. But when William Hurt, playing Alex's father, collapsed into the middle of the street sobbing because he doesn't know where his son is or what has happened to him - all I could think of was how selfish Chris was being.
We all have our selfish moments. We all have days, weeks, months even when what we want is all that matters and we will walk over anyone, especially those we love the most, to get what we want. Most of us are lucky enough to not have to pay with our lives for being selfish. Most of us are lucky enough to be forgiven by the ones we hurt. Most of don't have to go to Alaska and live in the wild to learn that - happiness is only real when it is shared.
Maybe that's why I can't be happy anymore. Because I may not be living in geographical Alaska. But my heart is definitely living alone - in the wild. And nothing is real to me. Because I can't share it.
Maybe that's why I started this blog. Maybe I hope someone hears me. Maybe I shouldn't be so honest here - but who believes what they read online anyway...