Skip to main content

What is this feeling?

There's something going on inside me. I don' t know what is happening and my inclination is to pretend it's nothing and just keep doing the same things I always do...in the same way I always have. But I'm smart enough to know this isn't really what my soul wants to do. I am being blessed with spiritual dis-ease. Time to shift my focus and pay attention. Those little stirrings are there for a reason. The people appearing and reappearing in my life and in my dreams do mean something.

How do I know this? Because I'm nearly 50 years old and I know when these little soul cries come upon me, it's important!! Because all the work I've been doing, all the study and reading, all the tears and pain, are preparing me for something big. I don' t know what it is. But I believe with all my heart that it is something that will shift me in a very important way.

And that's what scares me. That's what makes me want to stick my head in the sand.

And that's why I know it wouldn't make a bit of difference. My soul has been searching and crying and preparing for just this moment.

So, I'll clear my calendar. Do my self care. Get my sleep. And be ready for whatever it is whenever it shows up.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Grapes of ???

I watched the John Ford film of Grapes of Wrath last night. I started out just enjoying Henry Fonda's wonderful performance - so easy and real. But I ended up wondering if our nation really learned anything from the Great Depression. What is the great crime in Grapes of Wrath? It's a crime to be poor. It's a crime to need, to ask, to worry. And it would seem that it is still a crime to be poor. We entered the depression of the 1930s a nation of haves and have nots. Those who had - those in power - scrambled to hang on to their wealth while the have nots scrambled to gather the scraps. And as I look around me today, as I listen to the news, I hear those same echos of those who have grasping for their power while the have nots silently fight to live and make it to the next day. Last night I woke up thinking about the recent discussion of the increase in the minimum wage and what it would mean to businesses and that it would actually cause jobs to be lost. It sounded ...
5 comments
Read more

Random Thoughts about my Mother

It's been a very hectic month for me.  I got very sick right after Thanksgiving and was barely able to hold my head up, let alone sit at a computer for long.  Got back to work last week and was good for the work day, but still pretty tired when I got home.  At long last this week, I started to feel like myself.  Then yesterday afternoon, my sister called me.  Our mother has died.  Not unexpected, but still a bit of a blow.  She lived nearly 92 years, her birthday is January 16th.  So in the interest of remembering my mother and returning to regular blogging, I present Random Thoughts about My Mother. Mildred Irene Wallock Watt.  My mother was born in January 1918...just before the end of WWI.  Los Angeles was a different place then, a collection of small towns, some manufacturing, some agriculture, some business.  Her father moved his family there when the film industry was locating there because the sunshine and variety of landsc...
5 comments
Read more

It just sucks...

You want to know what the worst part about moderate to severe depression? (using the clinical diagnosis here) It's knowing when those waves hit you that there is something or someone out there that you let get to you. In my case, it's usually a combination of things. I've got multiple projects coming to deadline at work - stress. I'm not sleeping very well because of allergies. I'm not eating like I should be. I'm getting my exercise - walking, yoga - which is a positive because that's usually the first thing to go. And so I'm vulnerable to those triggers and I know it. I avoid mr. ring on his finger 'cause that will just send me over the edge. But I can't keep him from coming onto my floor and sitting down at the cubicle next to me and talking to someone else. So I put on the headphones and hit play on Itunes and what do I get....love songs. Crap. And even he wouldn't get to me if the really big trigger hadn't been flipped jus...
6 comments
Read more