Skip to main content

Lent - Day 19 & 20

Out beyond ideas of rightdoing and wrongdoing,
there is a field. I'l meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn't make any sense.
RUMI

Someone sent me this today.  They had no idea where I was spiritually, what I've been trying to do these past weeks - and how here at the half way point I was ready to give up.   They just shared something with me that had been meaningful to them.  And suddenly I see what I am supposed to do now.
I am supposed to give up.  Not in the way I was thinking.  Not by forgetting my vows and commitment.  But rather by surrendering to the struggle and simply being with it.  By letting myself be vulnerable and sitting with my feelings of fear and loss. 
I am halfway through.  I am at the point on the path where I can no longer pretend that things are going to be okay. I have to keep going forward into my broken-heartedness.  I've reached the crossroads that says - "Go here.  Have courage.  Be present to your fears.  Be tender with yourself.  Be here." 

It's time to sit with my feelings and let them be.  Not try to understand them.  Not try to change them or shift them in anyway.  Just sit with them.  And really feel them.  Be vulnerable and sit where "the world is too full to talk about."

Comments

Jenn Flynn-Shon said…
My friend, your courage to face whatever life throws at you for good or bad is just astounding at times. You are stronger than you know & more inspiring than you probably ever give yourself credit for :-) ♥

Popular posts from this blog

The Grapes of ???

I watched the John Ford film of Grapes of Wrath last night. I started out just enjoying Henry Fonda's wonderful performance - so easy and real. But I ended up wondering if our nation really learned anything from the Great Depression. What is the great crime in Grapes of Wrath? It's a crime to be poor. It's a crime to need, to ask, to worry. And it would seem that it is still a crime to be poor. We entered the depression of the 1930s a nation of haves and have nots. Those who had - those in power - scrambled to hang on to their wealth while the have nots scrambled to gather the scraps. And as I look around me today, as I listen to the news, I hear those same echos of those who have grasping for their power while the have nots silently fight to live and make it to the next day. Last night I woke up thinking about the recent discussion of the increase in the minimum wage and what it would mean to businesses and that it would actually cause jobs to be lost. It sounded ...

Random Thoughts about my Mother

It's been a very hectic month for me.  I got very sick right after Thanksgiving and was barely able to hold my head up, let alone sit at a computer for long.  Got back to work last week and was good for the work day, but still pretty tired when I got home.  At long last this week, I started to feel like myself.  Then yesterday afternoon, my sister called me.  Our mother has died.  Not unexpected, but still a bit of a blow.  She lived nearly 92 years, her birthday is January 16th.  So in the interest of remembering my mother and returning to regular blogging, I present Random Thoughts about My Mother. Mildred Irene Wallock Watt.  My mother was born in January 1918...just before the end of WWI.  Los Angeles was a different place then, a collection of small towns, some manufacturing, some agriculture, some business.  Her father moved his family there when the film industry was locating there because the sunshine and variety of landsc...

Random Thoughts

Dammit...it's one of those days again. Maybe it's the rain. Maybe it's that I still haven't completely recovered from my horrible bout of food poisoning. Maybe it's just that I'm completely f*cked. Gray - and not just the skies. Gray everywhere. One of my favorite Dave Matthews Band songs is Gray Street. Maybe favorite isn't the right word - most fitting for me and how I feel sometimes. She thinks, "Hey, How did I come to this? I dream myself a thousand times around the world, But I can't get out of this place" There's an emptiness inside her And she'd do anything to fill it in But all the colors mix together - to gray And it breaks her heart There's nothing I can point to, no trigger that has turned this feeling on.  I'm completely vulnerable and burst into tears over the smallest things.  Good and bad.  Someone can tell me I'm looking good today, and I'll cry.  Then the next person can walk p...