Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Lent - Day 19 & 20

Out beyond ideas of rightdoing and wrongdoing,
there is a field. I'l meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn't make any sense.
RUMI

Someone sent me this today.  They had no idea where I was spiritually, what I've been trying to do these past weeks - and how here at the half way point I was ready to give up.   They just shared something with me that had been meaningful to them.  And suddenly I see what I am supposed to do now.
I am supposed to give up.  Not in the way I was thinking.  Not by forgetting my vows and commitment.  But rather by surrendering to the struggle and simply being with it.  By letting myself be vulnerable and sitting with my feelings of fear and loss. 
I am halfway through.  I am at the point on the path where I can no longer pretend that things are going to be okay. I have to keep going forward into my broken-heartedness.  I've reached the crossroads that says - "Go here.  Have courage.  Be present to your fears.  Be tender with yourself.  Be here." 

It's time to sit with my feelings and let them be.  Not try to understand them.  Not try to change them or shift them in anyway.  Just sit with them.  And really feel them.  Be vulnerable and sit where "the world is too full to talk about."

1 comment:

Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

My friend, your courage to face whatever life throws at you for good or bad is just astounding at times. You are stronger than you know & more inspiring than you probably ever give yourself credit for :-) ♥