Skip to main content

Here's to 2008

It's New Year's Eve. My daughter is out with friends. She leaves early tomorrow morning to return to Boston. Fred and Ginger are dancing cheek to cheek. My cat is on my lap. My wine is within reach. Considering the year I've had, it's practically perfect.

I've been thinking about this all day and decided that I won't do resolutions. I haven't done resolutions for many years - not really. It's just another chance for me to fail myself. So this year, I thought I'd give serious thought to what I'd like my life to look like in a year. And maybe that will help me focus on what is really important and let go of all the other stuff.

So, a year from now, this is what I'd like to be different from tonight. I should like to be more kind to myself, more forgiving. I should like to worry less about my body and my diet and feel like I've made changes that are healthy and life long. I shouldn't mind being alone, but I'd prefer a small gathering of friends. If I'm watching Fred and Ginger, I should like to be cheek to cheek with someone who very much wants to be cheek to cheek with me. I should like to know that I wasn't living a half-life, filled with fear of failure, fear of success, fear of rejection, fear of looking like a fool. I should like to feel that my own personal economic future was secure, as well as that of my country. I should like to know that all my family is safe and sound with their loved ones and no one is overseas serving in a war that never should have happened. I should like to see my daughter happy, even happier than she is now. I should like to know that she is content with her path and feels confident in her future.

Most of all, I should like to believe that 2008 was the best year yet, and that many more happy years are ahead of me. I should like to be kind. Very kind. To myself and to everyone I love.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If you find yourself in the dark, all you can do is sit until your eyes adjust to the blackness.  I don't know who said that, but I sure do feel that way these days. Here's a little bit about me.  I was the seventh child born to my mother and father - and the last.  I was 7 years younger than the youngest and 19 years younger than the eldest.  My mother, who grew up in a family of actors, had started a little theatre group in our home town and after being away from it for so many years, she wasn't about to give it up again.  So I grew up in the theatre.  Played in make-up rooms and costume shops.  Learned how to read by helping actors study lines.  Learned how to build and paint by helping my dad build sets.  And I loved all of it. I loved the stories and the people and the way everyone came together to express ideas.  I still love it.  It's why I studied theatre in college and why I pursued an MFA.  Nothing gives me as much pleasure as taking words from a page and
Post a Comment
Read more

It just sucks...

You want to know what the worst part about moderate to severe depression? (using the clinical diagnosis here) It's knowing when those waves hit you that there is something or someone out there that you let get to you. In my case, it's usually a combination of things. I've got multiple projects coming to deadline at work - stress. I'm not sleeping very well because of allergies. I'm not eating like I should be. I'm getting my exercise - walking, yoga - which is a positive because that's usually the first thing to go. And so I'm vulnerable to those triggers and I know it. I avoid mr. ring on his finger 'cause that will just send me over the edge. But I can't keep him from coming onto my floor and sitting down at the cubicle next to me and talking to someone else. So I put on the headphones and hit play on Itunes and what do I get....love songs. Crap. And even he wouldn't get to me if the really big trigger hadn't been flipped jus
6 comments
Read more

Random Thoughts

Dammit...it's one of those days again. Maybe it's the rain. Maybe it's that I still haven't completely recovered from my horrible bout of food poisoning. Maybe it's just that I'm completely f*cked. Gray - and not just the skies. Gray everywhere. One of my favorite Dave Matthews Band songs is Gray Street. Maybe favorite isn't the right word - most fitting for me and how I feel sometimes. She thinks, "Hey, How did I come to this? I dream myself a thousand times around the world, But I can't get out of this place" There's an emptiness inside her And she'd do anything to fill it in But all the colors mix together - to gray And it breaks her heart There's nothing I can point to, no trigger that has turned this feeling on.  I'm completely vulnerable and burst into tears over the smallest things.  Good and bad.  Someone can tell me I'm looking good today, and I'll cry.  Then the next person can walk p
5 comments
Read more